Thoughts on Netflix's "A Christmas Prince"

So Ariel and I decided to watch the new Netflix Original Christmas movie, “A Christmas Prince,” because 1) we love Christmas movies, and 2) we love love love Rose McIver, of iZombie fame. Seriously, if you don’t already watch iZombie, you should. It’s hilarious and great.

 Rose McIver. 

Rose McIver. 

Below are my thoughts while watching “A Christmas Prince,” in the order I thought them:

  • ·WTF is Amber’s dad’s accent?
  • Smallest royal press conference in history.
  • Obvious asides to self. Cuckoo. Amber, I’m looking at you.
  • Trespassing in the palace? Really? That’s how you get detained for life in a foreign country.
  • Why does the Prince look like the Encino man? Do they not have razors in his fictional country?
  • The Princess is British when no one else is? And she looks like Matilda?
  • The Princess is a tiny little snot.
  • If a foreign country thinks you’re spying on their royalty, your prison sentence is going to be a LOT longer than “two or three weeks.”
  • Look at you, Prince. You’re hot when you shave.
  • They’re totally going to do the “let me show you how to shoot an arrow” scene.
  • OMG Amber is so clumsy, it’s her only fault! How relatable! :/
  • Why do all these TV movies have the same terrible lighting? Look at that shadow behind Amber.
  •  I suppose the Prince’s cousin is going to be angling for his throne.
  • Simon is next in line for Richard’s throne. I KNEW IT!
  • Are Amber’s friends in the office at all hours of the day to take her Skype calls?
  • Baroness Sophia. Ooh, that bitch is definitely his ex.
  • What font is Amber typing in? Also, way to be suspicious, closing your computer like that.
  • The little girl found her out. And…now she’s blackmailing her. But to write the truth about Richard, who’s apparently been slandered in the paper, so…I guess it’s okay.
  • Of course he plays the piano. Of course.
  • He’s not at the benefit because he’s playing with kids. Because he’s a freaking saint. I hate everything.
  • No joke, Amber is a terrible tutor. She never does her ACTUAL (fake) job.
  • Little girl, it takes literally no skill to sled down a hill. Just sit.
  • Rose McIver deserves better than this movie.
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  • Snowball fight ends with falling-on-each-other stare deep into each other’s eyes. TYPICAL.
  • I sort of like the queen. She’s badass.
  • That is the cutest horse ever.
  • I take it back. That horse sucks. And now Amber’s lost in the snow.
  • How much do you want to bet there’s going to be an Amber-and-Richard-survive-in-the-woods scene?
  • Oh, Richard drove off the wolves. How did he find her? Is he a wizard of tracking?
  • Heartrending moment. He yelled at Daddy, and then Daddy died.
  • Flirty flirty in the SUPER HUGE cabin.
  • DON’T KISS HER. YOU WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOUR DECEASED FATHER. Oh, it’s cool, they were interrupted.
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  • Amber is a little sneak.
  • Don’t steal the secret folder, Amber. That’s terrible.
  • That jealous Duchess/Countess/Whatever she is, is going to ruin everything. I can feel it. Her and Prince McSmugFace.
  • OMG. Richard was adopted! NO! Prince McSmugFace is in there like swimwear.
  • Ooh, Richard and Duchess bitch fight. She’s the worst. Seriously, dude, why’d you spend so much time with her? Never heard of Tinder?
  • Amber debates what to do with the adoption knowledge. Should she tell Richard?
  • Don’t just leave the certificate sitting around. Someone is gonna see it! Come on, this is Lesson One in Keeping Secrets!
  • Why is the Prince just wearing a suit jacket? It’s snowing in Europe! He should be colder.
  • Kissing!
  • YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY TELL HIM HE'S ADOPTED!
  • The bad guys are totally going to find Richard’s adoption certificate. I bet you $100.
  • I FUCKING KNEW IT!
  • The bad Prince Simon just said “Looks like Christmas came early!” Excuse me while I shoot myself.
  • How long has it been? Amber and Princess Emily act like they’re sisters about to be separated forever.
  • OH GOD. A makeover scene. (Ariel just audibly groaned.)
  • Not gonna lie, those Christmas lights are on point.
  • Of course Amber’s still wearing her Chucks under her ballgown. #quirky
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  • Gag. Royal Ball small talk.
  • At least one of the girls at this ball is wearing a VERY low-cut backless number. That wouldn’t fly at my high school prom; it really wouldn’t fly at a royal event.
  • Are they just going to ambush him with the adoption news? That’s the evilest/smuggest smile I’ve ever seen.
  • Is there a “Speak now or forever hold your peace” section of coronations?
  • Oh, there totally is. Whaddaya know.
  • This is your fault, Amber. HIDE YO SHIT BETTER.
  • Oh, the angry Ex framed Amber.
  • How do you not tell your son he’s adopted? WTF?
  • I HATE THIS OTHER PRINCE. Simon. Also, who proposes at the same time as he’s trying to steal a crown?
  • The cheese is real. So much cheese.
  • Girl, you are so lucky they aren’t pressing charges. Get it together and get out of the country ASAP.
  • This is not a good excuse for not telling him. Ya’ll are cowards.
  • I wonder if they’ll crown the little girl instead. He doesn’t want it anyways.
  • Mysterious Wisdom Father dispensing wisdom. Mysterious, incomprehensible wisdom.
  • What’s in the acorn Christmas bauble? The king’s will? Who keeps their will in an acorn?
  • I feel like there should be more security around a coronation, especially a controversial one.
  • Is there no one else in charge of filing the King’s new laws? Does he have ultimate power?
  • The king changed the law so Richard could become king. Welcome to the 21st century, Aldovia.
  • Amber’s editor hates her piece. This woman is an idiot. Amber, you can sell that article anywhere.
  • Yeah, you quit girl! See if Richard’s still single!
  • Okay, did they not realize that it’s super obvious they only bothered to blow fake snow down one street from the aerial view?
  • Poor Michael. Amber just chickened out on their NYE triple-date. He seemed cute.
  • Guess who’s about to walk through that door? THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S RICHARD.
  • Pretty sure royalty can’t just traipse around NYC without security. But then again, how would I know?  :’(
  • YOU’VE ONLY KNOWN HER LIKE TWO WEEKS! THIS IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL! Ya’ll’ve only kissed once. C’mon.
  • Don’t say yes. Oh, she’s rational. “We barely know each other.”
  • She said yes.
  • This is while so many marriages end in divorce.
  • I hope you’re not chill with this, Amber’s Dad. But he probably is.
  • Now it’s over. And it’s no iZombie.
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